Dave Ramsey Lays Into ‘Disgusting’ Father Who Expects His Kids To Pay His Mortgage: Your ‘Entitlement’ Is Showing

A man named Robert from Texas shared on "The Ramsey Show" that he and his wife suffered damage to their home a few years ago from not one but two natural disasters—a house fire and a flash flood.

They asked their two grown children to cover their $47,000 mortgage, pointing out that they had already covered their college tuition, bought them cars, and continue to pay their cellphone bills.

But despite both kids earning six-figure salaries—four to five times more than their parents—they refused, saying they have no obligation to pay their parents' bills. They also said that their parents should "sink or swim," since their debt is their obligation.

Some might call the grown kids ungrateful, but financial guru Dave Ramsey called them something else: justified.

Ramsey insists kids don't have to help their parents

Robert's kids were in the right, according to Ramsey, who chastised the father for even asking his kids to pitch in on his mortgage in the first place.

"When you raise children, as part of raising them," Ramsey said on his show, "you buy them a car, pay for their college, and when they leave college and become successful adults, they're not in debt to you. That was like your job. You're the dad. That's what you're supposed to do."

Ramsey went on to blast his caller further. "That's a disgusting entitlement that you should think that your children owe you something because you were just simply a father and did what you were supposed to do," he said.

"If your children want to be charitable toward you, and give you something, that's wonderful," he said. "But not because Mom and Dad think they're entitled to their money. There's a difference."

Ramsey said that Robert's request "is dripping in bitterness," and insisted that "charity extracted through guilt is not charity."

Turns out, other experts agree.

"If a parent does provide college, cars, or anything else, that is a choice they made as a gift," said Melanie Musson, a finance expert at Quote.com. "It does not mean their children are indebted to them."

How to ask for help with your mortgage from your family, if you need to

Ramsey said there’s a big difference between the right and wrong ways to ask for financial help from family. A humble request rooted in love is way better than a demand that comes from a sense of entitlement.

The right approach, he suggested, is simple: Robert could just say, “Hey, we need some help—can you guys pitch in?” without making it feel like an obligation.

On the flip side, Ramsey warned against implying that adult children owe their parents money because of past contributions like paying for a car or college. That kind of talk turns a request into a demand and can create resentment instead of generosity.

Musson noted that if you do ask adult children for help, "do not hold resentment against them if they don’t give it." It’s about respecting their autonomy, their boundaries, and recognizing that their ability or willingness to help may vary.

Helping family financially

When it comes to helping relatives out with money, Ramsey provided a few recommendations.

"If you're going to help someone, particularly someone you love inside your family, you should help them in a way that causes them to reach sustainability on their own, not become dependent upon you," he said.

He explained that if Robert’s children take care of the mortgage, they should also work with their parents on budgeting.

That way, Robert and his wife can ideally learn to live on their own money for the rest of their lives, and their kids can avoid becoming enablers.

In Musson's opinion, it’s wise to treat any money lent to relatives as a gift, regardless of whether it’s labeled a loan. "If you want to preserve your relationship and they don’t pay you back, it’s best to consider it a gift in the first place," she said. "If they pay you back, that’s a bonus."

Be mindful that giving money to relatives without setting it up correctly can lead to unexpected gift tax issues, according to attorney and CPA Chad D. Cummings.

He said family bailouts could also jeopardize a parent’s eligibility for Medicaid.

"Any gifts of this nature should first be vetted by an attorney and CPA before any funds are transferred to ensure compliance not just with federal law but with the client’s broader wealth preservation, estate, and tax plan," Cummings advised. "Once mistakes are made, they are often irreversible."